-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, October 30, 2016

the subtext of goodbye

The American Psychological Association website has been breached. I know this because a referring url to Pinky blog says it's a logout page to them but goes to porn when I click it. However, it's also separately listed as a referring site. Part of the "my.apa" logout address is "ERIGHTS_TARGET=" and then a very weird tiny url, and this is erights. I assume erights is on the up and up and someone is using them for their java script tools. Yes, this is why java is still in hot debate. Half the internet depends on java, but java sucketh mucheth for breaches.

Pinky blog sees this kind of action at least once a week. Don't worry, pretty sure you guys can't click anything on Pinky blog and go to the porn. I have no idea why Pinky blog even gets visited like this, but maybe someone is trying to do the same thing to my blog, whatever it is. From here it just looks like an individual's login to the APA got swiped. Since I can't see anything else, I sincerely doubt the APA actually reads my blog or refers traffic my way, but it's possible I've pinged them with links here. I wonder if everyone who pings them got porn bot swarmed in the night. Pingbacks are the root of all evil. I don't allow pingbacks in my comments or you guys would be dizzy with xanax and viagra ads. I know from Lexxperience that one scifi TV review site in particular sent me over 800 spam visits in one week flat trying to leave comments with links to buy a colorful array of drugs and porn, and Xanga filtered them into the trash. People floating on the top reading TV reviews don't see the nasty gurgly depths beneath the surface, but your computers do...

Back to the real. Bunny spent the night last night after trunk or treating. She managed to force herself to stay awake long past bedtime, but at the stroke of midnight she was OUT, and good thing, because the puppy show had just ended. And yes, I was back up shortly thereafter at 5 a.m. making coffee. The body wants what it wants. Coffee is the only recreational drug I have left, and it rules me. When I smoked years ago, I was the person that would get up at 3 a.m. to sift butts out of ash trays and relight them hoping for one faint hit because I had run out of cigarettes. I was the same way with alcohol, woke up needing the hard stuff immediately. People don't believe me when I say I'm an addict because they never see me wasted or do anything hard (or even soft). They don't see me abusing my meds. I. don't. dare. That is all.

Anyway, yes, up at 5 doing recon on the APA breach and loling because the rest of the world is a bunch of idiots. I bet hackers in general are like me, narcissistic addicts. We need code to make it through another day.

So all these sweet pix are from the Minecraft 1.7 Mo Creatures multiplayer server. Still waiting for the server upgrade. They started allowing creative mode a couple of weeks ago and stopped watching for trubbas since it doesn't matter now, so I've been flying around seeing who hasn't blown up their towns yet. There was a big TNT party one week last month, some of the towns are messy leftover trash now. But a few things are still intact, and they are beautiful.

I've got some really neato ideas for the new Mo Creatures whenever it happens, and I'm looking forward to doing some cool stuff. I'll need it to help me get through the holiday slide.

Some of you know I've had a rough week because I kinda blew up twitter yesterday. My impressions went crazy. Super short version, continued trimming my following list by 2K+ turned into me weeping through my birthday week, and I'll paraphrase my tweets-

So... some of u have been watching me disconnect from inactive accts. I went to every single one. Many were very old, ill, depressed. One guy actually died 4 days after he fllwd me & I know that bcuz his FB was turned into a memorial with timestamps. Ppl use twitter to hang on, way more ppl than u think. I ran into 'dead' accts that actually left suicide notes, felt sick to my stomach. I've had a rough time purging my twitter bcuz I look at every single acct. Terminal kids, cancer, self harm- I *look* at ppl. I'm not blowing off ppl who aren't useful to me when I purge my twitter. I sat here crying for 3 hours straight Monday over real ppl. & Monday was my birthday & it sucked, not bcuz of walking dead, but bcuz #realpeople are disappearing & no one notices. And I've decided I'm changing the way I twitter. Yes, again. No more games. It's real now. I'm real & I see real ppl being real.

And that happened because I got called out by someone for unfollowing them, so I burst forth into flames and challenged a duel. These are replies, so fewer people saw them, and you're only getting one side of the convo. Since this was all public, I have no problem with ethics sharing my own public words here. This is a smash of my side. You can see me getting angry over generalized phrases like no one cares and everybody blames me kind of stuff.

but you use this one for show tweeting right. since other ppl think u are just on --> @ they worry when they don't see you for a long time. about 75% of the purges were abandoned dead accounts which means high fllwr # s are just clutter, not anything cool. I know where you think that feeling comes from when ppl don't actually go look,at ur TL & notice when something is off. but you trained them to miss you & you became a big hole in their lives. I watched several have a really bad wknd missing u. don't blow that off or believe lies. No one speaks for the rest of us. No one is your gatekeeper saying we don't care. I also know some have felt really hurt about something that you've been ignoring, so never blow us off with we don't miss u. if it takes me unfllwing u to wake u up, then wake up. but if ur not going to talk to me for a year & all fllwng gets us is PM contact, what am I supposed to think? maybe what I think is that u don't care for me any more. Ever thot of it reversed? I'm using this opportunity while I have it since me reaching out first got no replies. btw, I'm the queen of chronic & the Jack Bauer of depression, sometimes u gotta kick urself back out into the light. & I'm not joking, never ever think I'm joking. There's stuff I've never told a soul on social media, u guys have no idea. I don't sugarcoat hugs & self medicate my stuff away, so if u really want me to fllw u for realz, this is who I am. if u change ur mind & don't like it, don't say I'm not ur friend if u keep urself on the other side of an invisible fence. all that sounded mean. I just get POd when ppl say no one cares about them when I know ppl really tried to stay in contact. I beg to differ. Another person had a big hand in it. that part I totally get. U completely missed something else that started b4 all that. Surviving is always priority. omg did u really think I was blaming the gang falling apart over ur cancer? wow, ur in a bubble world. NO. there are ppl out here unimaginably sad about not being able to talk freely to u like the old days & they're trying to be respectful & not bug u but several of us have tried making contact & wondering why no response & then time passed & it has gotten super awkward & now it's all misunderstandings & then come to find out 1 person had contact w/ u & never shared that YOU WERE OK. omg that pissed some of us off. that person sat there watching us be SAD & AFRAID FOR YOU. anyway, I'm just saying don't blow it all off w/ ppl don't care about u or something. Hell yes we care.

Anyone begging off with 'being in a vulnerable place' has the right not to share what's going on, but using that phrasing to get out of poor behavior on public social networking while challenging someone else to hold up to some kind of unwritten follow back contract is as ridiculous as it gets. A few of us sincerely thought this person might have committed suicide, given the pinned tweet, the last real content, and then a month-long absence, so I was understandably livid to be poked out of the blue with "you unfollowed? you don't love me anymore?" within 24 hours of unfollowing, despite past attempts to make contact and see if this person was ok.

And that is how #aspienado kills ppl. I say all the wrong things & get caught up in my feels & wanna shake some sense into the world. I don't understand the social cues, I don't get how other ppl misunderstand my words, but I will always have the hard copy to the trail. I do know this morning was very important bcuz my impressions shot up like crazy & a lotta ppl are afraid to make a move or sound now. & I think that's what scares ppl, that I can always track down timestamps. I will always be able to find who said what when. & I'm not doing it to be mean, but bcuz I'm exploding w/ feels. How in the world normals hold all that in & play nicey nicey is beyond me.

Regular readers have watched aspienado struggle for well over a year with the friendship code and how people abuse it by passively-aggressively displacing blame onto the person being emotionally manipulated. I'm done with that. I have been warning since 2014 that I bite, and I'm having a lot of trouble holding back any more. You guys wanna see a real aspienado? Keep poking me with crap. My favorite part was the diversionary tactic of pointing and "Look over there!" with the "Can I ask you a question? How many eps does Lexx have?" I have a 3 year old granddaughter who's already an expert in that. Grow up. You poke me, I stomp you back. That's the new rules. If you call me "friend", expect to get treated like a FRIEND.

I would challenge many of you to see that this kind of hit and miss emotional displacing is what is making the world miserable. Holding our stuff in and twisting it into other people this or that only makes things more layered and difficult to understand. Owning who we are and taking responsibility for how we affect other people is key to understanding what is wrong with the world.

I think this perfectly says what I've been seeing other people feeling on twitter with all the deeper recon I've been doing on dead accounts.

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