-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

surviving fandoms

*le sigh* Back to a real life post.

I blame these guys.

"Pine Processionary Caterpillar"
click for info
Really, I have no idea, but there's such a big health warning all over most of the stuff you look up about them (especially for kids and dogs) that I can only conclude that my house being covered in them for 2 weeks is making me sick, because even though I have a leaf mold allergy, I have never been like this in October. Itchy eyes and scratchy throat, yes, hacking super sticky globs and nearly choking, no.

At any rate, we're going on 18 days now and it's progressed into lungs over the weekend and it's not going away any time soon, so once again I will drag myself up to clinic and see if I qualify for antibiotic now. In years past I've been on antibiotic every other month, but I've gotten so healthy now that my glands barely even get tender for a day and the rest of me always looks really impressive for someone complaining of specific problems at my age.

I remember my parents dragging through chest gunk because they were too stubborn to go to doctors. One year my dad coughed for around 6 weeks and dragged around looking awful. He's still busy, tried calling yesterday and he didn't call back till he got off the tractor. 87 years old.

So all that is kinda quelling the birthday chocolate cake waffle with coffee cream cheese dip thing, I can't smell or taste anything right and nothing sounds good because I'm gunky gross, so I'm putting it off until some of this clears out. If aliens abducted me right now they'd be wowed over what a super productive sticky mucus machine I am.

Brief crabby whine sentence stating that I'm super jealous of people who don't have to live with allergic reactions. You guys suck whining about stuff when you can easily 1- breathe, 2- eat what you want, and 3- not have to live on round the clock antihistamines nearly all year long.


Ok, moving on.

I'm going to keep watching The Walking Dead. It's just now getting good. In fact, I can now honestly finally say I respect what they're doing with this show. Watching Rick breaking from his internal point of view, reality blowing apart, not knowing which fear was real or imagined, all his emotional connections blowing apart until he was alone with only death- I hope that ep wins awards galore.

THAT is PTSD, guys. That is exactly what happens to people who go through moments of super anxiety not knowing what to believe or hang onto, moments when you can't make decisions because you can't even trust your own brain to keep giving you stuff to hang onto. Not all of us are in an apocalypse like that, but when you're driving on a highway and have to remind yourself to check whether you're really driving because you can't tell...

That scene was an art form that I thought was exceptionally well done. You need to pick up on what happened in that scene so you will understand Rick's point of view going forward. You might not like a few things Rick does in future. He might be a mess and fall off the hero pedestal. He might wind up a wild dog killing everyone. Or he might wind up psycho enough to take out Negan. But for awhile he might be a very weak unlikable character. Are you a fair weather fan?

Allowing ourselves to be too overwhelmed by our emotions to handle something and shutting down is turning our back on dealing with stuff. I had to learn at a young age to shut those emotions off, or set them aside for later. Human brains are fantastic for survival if we learn how to use our emotions as tools. It's good to process through them, but if they are in the way in time of crisis, especially if freezing up costs you or someone else harm, the best way (for me) to deal with that is step into role playing and then look at what happened later. It's really hard, but if that's the only way you can escape a difficult situation, like domestic abuse or surviving abduction or something, then that's what you do.

Whining about a TV show focusing entirely on how an apocalypse shreds us emotionally for not playing fair showing us something gruesome that hurts our emotions is a little bit antithetical to being a fan. I've been through fandoms full of the staunchest fans booing and hissing because something didn't go their way and they want it refilmed, and some even spend years making life projects out of how unfair a television show was. Seriously not kidding. I watched a lot of people shut down years of friendships over political side taking nonsense the last couple of months. Well, that's how fandoms are, too. It's cool if you don't want to watch a TV show, but going on and on about how unfair something is and you're not going to watch any more is kinda silly. Just stop watching it and move on. It's just a TV show.

The really interesting thing is watching some of the fans go through what Rick did, just bust apart and say no mas. Fans mirroring the scene. That is an incredible amount of power to give a TV show over your life.

Just saying.

From me to you guys. Hang in there. It might be worth watching Rick come back and eat Negan.

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