(Can you imagine if that were a minecraft problem? Egads.)
I've been noticing my normally expected anxiety attacks around showering seem to be calming down lately, so I guess I'm successfully dealing with my crisis. This big meltdown thing came between Bunny's mama and I while I was dealing, didn't talk for 13 days. Reconnected yesterday, I think we're ok now. Getting through the rest of the month intact will be about focusing on my own path and not using other people's distractions to jump willy nilly hither and yon, triggering and retriggering like mad and risking burninating the peasants.
So... I went down the rabbit hole.
I've been holding back from a real rabbit hole for ages. I have a history of 'disappearing', so I made sure my personal support network was solid and that my launch platform was secure, and took the plunge. After a wonderful day with Kai blowing craters into the landscape spawning everything conceivable in minecraft all at once, I did a quick assessment and made an executive decision to release my inner rabbit and see how I do.
I made a new singleplayer world called 'uffda', which I mentioned the other day, and I have been playing sans cheats nonstop. I started with absolutely nothing, and aside from using F3 coordinates to see where I am once in awhile, and using beds I make to force the night to switch to day, I haven't cheated once. I haven't switched to creative mode at all. I went hard- missed meals, ignored TV, stopped bathing. I immersed myself until I was minecrafting all night in my sleep. But every morning I made myself touch base on Pinky blog first, and I made sure that I was tearing myself away in small time batches to run laundry through machines and make food for Scott. Otherwise, excepting brief spurts checking notifications, I have logged hours and days of solid minecraft.
While I've been super absorbed, I've managed to cut my caffeine in half, lose 5 pounds, and out of the blue coordinated my launch again. I'm writing. Sweet, unintended side effects. But realistically, every bit of this has been monitored and I'm checking in with people because I just got through one of the worst meltdowns I've had in years, like super crumble and stand back lest ye be consumed with flames while this ship goes down. This aspienado has reached a place where there is *nothing* anyone can do or say to make me feel better, and my dearest risk their lives just reaching out to get me talking. I can't say enough for one brave soul who has no clue how their own world became my float device a couple of times.
If I weren't involved with Lexx groups on facebook, I'd have shut my facebook down this last week. If I weren't focused on future sales launch, all my blogs would have gone into private this last week. If I weren't determined to see this project through that I've been working on for several years, I'd have closed my twitter account this last week. Pinky made a promise not to go away again, plus real people have access to me now. I have real friends who can actually make real life contact now, and I. am. answerable.
I came back out to rebuild bridges.
theme, focus, execution for Existential Aspie.