-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Monday, June 20, 2016

bionic Pinky

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Woke up from a dream where I was cranky with a lab tech about some kind of medical testing, but even I could tell my head was a mess (she definitely thought so and was getting very impatient with me) and that I wasn't making sense between partial sedation and trying to logically figure out the odd maze of wassappenin in my head because none of the things I was 'remembering' were correct, so I was busy lining up actual buildings and streets and which doctor might have sent me there with the fake stuff in my dream. I've done this several times lately, like I go into this weird aggressive anti-dream state where I refuse to play along with my own free associating.

Waking up didn't help and I bumped around the house in slo-mo for about 30 minutes before I could get a line of thought straight. I am reeeeeaallyy missing the days where I used to boing out of bed like a Tigger and my brain was super on and 4 a.m. was gogogo time. I hope this isn't becoming my new normal, because the last few weeks have been a bit of a drag getting going in the mornings.

The weird thing is I'm suddenly orienting really well in minecraft, relying less on the grid readout and recognizing landmarks and directions more often. This in turn translates to real time mental mapping skills while I'm driving. For several years I've been dealing with sudden 'drops' in continuity, not remembering which Walmart I was in, even which town (lotta outlying around our metro in this area), sometimes what street I'm driving on, like my internal recognition software blinks out or something. I don't know if you guys ever have problems with an NVidia card suddenly blanking on your monitor and then recovering, it's almost like that in my head, just suddenly 'lose' orientation to time and space around me. Since it's been going on for so many years and no one's ever found anything obviously wrong with my head, no one seems to be worried about it, so I really don't worry either. BUT. Alla sudden, after months of running around and tunneling and flying on my horse, I clicked into spacetime orientation and haven't been needing to check the grid readout so often, and dang if that isn't coinciding with not being so glitchy through my days in general.

Guys, I think I'm rebuilding my brain. And it really could be the beta blocker, like my doctor thought. The experiment continues.

New tech, yay! Funny story. Scott couldn't get internet on his desktop, so I configured the new Netgear X8 on Jawn, and everything was fine until Mr. Bossy was determined to pull the firmware onto his own desktop after he found out from tech support that his wifi card is outdated and killed the internet. SO, he had to hard wire directly into it, and THEN all the internet was back. So we have to hardwire an outdated computer into this awesome new super expensive tech to get wireless tech in our house...

Yeah, let that sink in. I live with Fred Flintstone. We lock horns over control issues. He'll never let me forget the time I crashed a hard drive trying to rip off a song from a wormy scifi site that I could have gotten for 99 cents on itunes, and I'll never let him forget the time he wrecked up all our software with a malware download just because it had a desktop icon that looked like a private detective with a cool hat. Either way, you fly with us, prepare for hard landings, cuz that's how we roll.

I either need to go back to bed or find food, because this coffee isn't doing a thing. Not sure yet if I can handle twitter today, and my psychologist says steering clear of triggers is fine. Baby steps is better than falling off cliffs since I'm on my own. I feel bad, but I just can't go there today.

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