-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero, this blog is PinkyGuerrero, ongoing continuation at blogs Pinky & Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, December 1, 2016

last of 2016 30 day challenge- Day Two

It's been over a year since I've done one of these.

Part of my 30 day challenge is to reach a place where some things in the way are out of the way enough to get a much bigger idea written out. Several, actually, but I've got one trying to come out and I need to be a little more organized when it does so I don't lose it all in bits and pieces like I do everything else. Since Christmas and New Year's will be a monumental and continual disruption interrupting my life, best to redirect so I don't have frustrations erupting, and whatever other uptionings there could possibly be. I'm kind of winging it, but things keep getting done. I feel like I should report in, though, but I don't feel like saying "I cleaned my house."

World of Spin

I'm trying out new wallpaper. I'm also playing with the table auto expanding.

click for wallpaper

Original art from pinterest

Or maybe you don't know what that means. The closest feeling I can find that mimics for other people what I feel for fractals in my head is stuff like this.

Like the lyrics, we don't quite know what it all means. If you could see the music as colors, and the timed visuals as an artistic representation of the feelings inside someone else (not as characters or a story), you would be close to what a synesthete might feel in a euphoric state. My synesthesia seems to be much less literal and more orientation based than a lot of what I'm finding described on the interwebs, but when I'm like this, I see wonders I can't begin to describe.

:edit: Since the word "orientation" is quickly coming to mean something much different now than what I intend, I need to let you know that I'm using it in the classical sense, spatial orientation, not sexual, although I do admit this probably sure looks like it. Perhaps, I'm subtexting, but again, if I could share what the music part does in my brain, you'd forget the rest and want to soak it in like a drug. Autism sensory issues have been compared by some to psychedelic drug trips without the drugs, and I can hit nirvana pretty quickly with this vid, for whatever reason. Once there, all thought of 'me' vanishes, and I'm just moving through the colors.

Just drifting past, by, in, out. Many years ago I wrote this poem when I was in a mood just like this one.


I suffer a brooding earnestness to coalesce--
     what is life in a world of spin?
I feel an awkward compelling to merge.

I glide and collide through denseness and time--
     what is purpose in a world of spin?
I want and have not where I am when.

I see vastness, smallness, matter of mirrors--
     what is hope in a world of spin?
I know up is across is inverted is naught.

I dream my own patterns and cleave to ideas--
     what is joy in a world of spin?
I will die ere the story reveals me.

I see stuff like this when I 'go deep'. I saw stuff like this long before fractals appeared in artwork, or even mathematics. I have been making stuff like this in my head since I was a child. I don't know how to make it to show to other people like some more artistic people do, or how to find a way to describe it like mathy people do, but I do know it means something. This is a detailed (be it real or imaginary) map of multi coordinates. I see colors as places, and where they are placed in relation to other colors as whens. They don't all reside inside what we think of as a universe. Someone studying synesthesia might take what I just said very literally and point out that's exactly what it really is, colors placed in specific locations in a time order, but since I can't show them how I can move in and out of it, I can only say Sure, whatever. If music can evoke a feeling of nostalgia, a pattern of colors can surely evoke a meaningful journey to a place. It's very hard to describe color being something other than an actual visual to people who use visuals as part of the description process. To me, this artwork is communication, the same way a road map is. If we were some other type of being and not humans, this might be a logical way to express instructions.

I first recognized this weird visualizing was a real thing outside myself while sitting in a theater. This could seem very stupid to someone who's never experienced a thrilling leap of recognition in any kind of symbolism. The lights had gone down, the ads were over, the screen was dark, and then a new rendition of the Wehrenberg Theaters bumper theme started up and I froze. It's the 1980s version with the jewels, you only get a couple seconds of it in that vid link. The view panned around and over and through the animation and *felt* BIG, with the jewels spinning and choreographed into what almost seemed like a flight pattern to alight onto the crown. That was the first time I could see anything close to how I could manipulate visuals inside my head actually going on outside of my head, and it was important because they were geometric shapes and colors, not symbolizing anything else at all. The screen was big enough to immerse me into the animation the same way I could go into the stuff I could see in my head. A few years later, the science of chaos emerged into the general population and fractals seized the imaginations of artists around the world. A few years after that, it went digital, and now anyone can create fractal art, and even choreograph it and set it to music. Trying to explain to anyone that I could do much more than simple fractal zooms in my mind at the age of 12 is useless. My psychologist asked me once what it was like, and that was about the only time in years I stuttered and went hopelessly silent in his office. If I could press my head up to someone else's and file share, I'd do that without hesitation. Or throw a thought like we can throw stuff from devices to other screens now.

My very first tracker embed code was named World of Spin. It still works, and the map is still active. The most recent hit from the time of this snip is from Wisconsin Dec 1 2016 11:48:56 pm The time is off because it didn't reset for daylight savings, that should be an hour earlier. I could tell you the page that got viewed on another blog, but I don't want to spook anybody.

That's right, I'm not sleeping. I'm usually sleeping by now. It's probably cheating if I call this Day Two and post it before midnight, but I might do that anyway.