Header snip originally from giphy, added onto to by other enthusiastic fans, and then I took it through memedad.
-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Friday, July 15, 2016

gabapentin and klout- where are YOU in your growth plan?

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Statcounter has this new thing bugging me about my growth plan profile and my overall industry rank and how my growth plan compares to my competitors. I got a D-.

Your Annual Site Contribution is a prediction of how much money your site will make your business per year in its current state. This is calculated by robust predictive analytics. Many online factors contribute to your site contribution such as visitor experience, mobile optimization, traffic, and social marketing, as well as offline factors like how much your typical customer spends, zip code, etc… We’re here to help you grow your Annual Site Contribution as much as possible.

Ex: If you are a veterinarian, once you finish your profile, we will predict how much your website contributes to your clinic’s revenues on an annual basis. This would include how many new people hear about you online then call or walk-in and become new clients.

Well, someone showed up with my house once with a *gun*, so dang if I'm going to care about my walk-ins.

Anyway, now I can get analytics overview over the last 30 days with a 30 day forecast (I really miss sitemeter, they had ALL this stuff and more and were sweetly unobtrusive), plus objectives for linking other social media (beat ya there, guys), and if I start this 'track' and go pro (always a catch), they can help me lower my overall bounce rate by 50%. Um... Google analytics says my bounce rate is 30, which is an A++ for a blog, so take your growth plan pro and shove it. I'm not in the mood for the 'you need to spend more money' crap.

The problem with statcounter is it can't see most of you real people guys, because it just doesn't play well with others, even though it swears it does, and even tries to prove it by hooking in your GWT (dismal fail that time GWT got *cough* hacked *cough*). I've already got over half of you filtering in through Google login, so *bing*, you're invisible to statcounter. THIS is how much Google proxy (Chrome browser in particular) has affected my statcounter.


Yes, numbers have gone down because I've had a rough spring and summer, but this is a more accurate representation of actual traffic. (Don't even get me started on bots, less than 5% of my traffic is bots.) (You wanna see bot swarms? Go back to your Xangas sometime, it's hilarious. Xanga is my fave botcatcher now, I'm able to ping other sites and see how many bots swarm right back at me. Some of you really public review sites have some really bad bug problems, and those problems translate to reader tech being compromised, so yeah, don't even get me started.)


So, NO. Not paying for pro and advice like I'm an idiot. My klout score is doing just fine for someone who's barely been able to keep a brain in for several months, thanx.


Imagine what I could do if I weren't physically and cognitively disabled. And had staff. And about $10K.

it's real, click
Do you know how long it's been since I really went off about stats and ranking and stuff? Day 7 and I'm ready to fling the internet around before coffee. Thank you, gabapentin. Man, I hope I'm able to continue on this med. I'm right at the mark now where lyrica cascade fail on a major highway turned into a comedy club style acid trip type inner convo about betting whether I'd roll off the highway and die because none of us knew who was driving. You can imagine the PTSD from both that and a very real accident I've had palling around with me in town yesterday. Once I figured out how 'friendly' I was in Walmart, I knew I'd be ok and came on home.

What am I doing today, Zuul? I got sideswiped mid-week with that drowsiness thing, and boy they weren't kidding. I slept 7.5 hours night before, took a nap yesterday, another 7.5 last night, I srsly wanna stay AWAKE today. So let's see what I can get done today.

  • Get on that auto-pay alert thingy from Geek Squad about protection I cancelled months ago.
  • Get on a wonderful application that came in the mail for medicare to pay for my ride into town 3 weekends ago during the chest pains (medicare won't pay unless deemed 'can't walk' kind of stuff, so the ride guys are evidently on my side calling this 'necessary'). Don't worry, I'll photocopy and practice fill-out on that first for @bonenado to approve. O_o
  • Get on wrapping the Bunny birthday gifts so that's all done before next week asplodes.
  • Get on wrapping up a thing I started earlier this week that needs to get posted elsewhere. It's easy, it's fun, and it's probably disappointing someone that I suck, but I'm being a good spoonie and not letting that part bother me.
  • Get on a workout PLAN because this being scattered all over the map thing for 2 months isn't cool.
click for great example of cute monetizing
I'm almost jealous
I can save 80 calories a day if I drink my coffee black. I've been using 40 calories of evap milk in each cup and get 2 cups, and I'm right at that line where something's gotta go. I drink really nice coffee, so it's not like black coffee will suck that badly. I'm going to go to 20 calories a cup for a week and see how I do. I know, some of you are all like why not just stop drinking coffee, some of you are shocked I'd go black, some of you are rooting for me all the way, and some of you think I'm making too big a deal out this. I'd love to offer betting, I bet some of you would take it. I'd have silent anonymous bets coming in from deeper lurkers and never know which of you bet what and it would make me even more insane over my trackers. Some of you would like that, wouldn't you?

Do what you love, be who you are, embrace your moments. Coffee, sans coffee, 1000 calorie coffee, it's all good.



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