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Monday, March 28, 2016

and that's what everyone's talkin bout

Kai made this

I've taken the it's not you it's me stance on Pinky blog for a very long time. I've tried to own #allthethings about who I am, how I came to be who I am, and how I handle my life now. That being said, once in awhile I've had to step up and face that ugly it's not me it's you problem and deal with a couple of bugs.



I've said in past posts that I'm a very poor judge of character because my Asperger's is so bad, and therefore sometimes wind up in some questionable situations with even more questionable people, or sometimes what seem like nice people but wearing layers of masks and me feeling lucky I have a friend because I have felt so bereft of people in my life. Even aspies need real relationships. Friends. But at what cost? It's one thing to still feel insecure and confused, unable or unwilling to trust people after going through a string of abusive or wildly unbalanced friendships, it's another to find out I have a backup army of friends who've been there all along but I'm so blind with social deficit that I remain unaware.



I'm in a really good place now. I have a coterie of friends coaching me, and I'm discovering that some of the things I have been through aren't unique to me at all. There are others also being hoodwinked and used like I was, not necessarily because we are so deficit and needy, but because there really are a few who are so domineering and buttinsky and destructive under a guise of love and caring.

I have shared a lot of credit throughout my writings, even when I didn't need to. I've made the executive decision to unlink and disavow a couple of those connections because they only lead others into stumbling through what I stumbled through. I will no longer support a particular international internet magazine and, very particularly, one of its contributors.

this is who I do support- my own stuff and my own fandom

This is not an easy task. I'm not doing it out of hate or vengeance. I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do in a world where some people walk on the backs of others and rip off their work. I'm doing it because I have other friends I may have inadvertently led into emotional messes because I mixed up trying to have a very public friendship with a person who plays dirty for 'professional' gain. Since many of my friends produce content, this is a problem. I deeply apologize for being a synergistic force for someone who takes emotional advantage of others for public gain.



Just to recap- When I met this person, I had the bigger follower number. We talked privately about how to grow more followers on twitter with a couple of tag tweet games, and it wasn't long before this person outgrew me because I am really good at link sharing and driving traffic to other people. I have proof of that in stats, especially at SyfyDesigns. As time passed, it became obvious this person was growing numbers on other people's content using my social media gaming techniques until it turned into a power trip. It no longer mattered that the organically grown followers were spammers, porn, dead accounts, and hijacking other people's follower lists (all of which I personally steer clear of), all that mattered was the big number still growing. And once the power trip started, it was parleyed into block parties, spy rings, and group bombings, some of them not at all subtle. I was naive enough to keep falling for every bit of the depression gimmick played at me, and a big enough sucker to remain supportive even when I began to suspect and doubt and feel used and played.



And now I'm watching other people go through all the same steps I did with that relationship. Like I said, it's all very public. I wasn't lying when I said that was the most public friendship I've ever gone through, and I also wasn't lying when I said the world was watching. I lightly mentioned some time ago that an actual celebrity contacted me privately and got after me for neglecting a world fandom I represent and write for while my head was spinning through the emotional carnival that friendship dragged me through.



Guys, when a celebrity contacts you personally and asks why you're not doing your stuff, it's bad.

I've learned from past Lexxperience to keep the drama to a minimum in public, but I felt this public apology was necessary. I'm not sure this person understood just how 'famous' I am, but yeah. I got used. Oh, by the way, it wasn't a Lexx fan. Pretending to be a Lexx fan on the side in passing doesn't make a person a Lexx fan. And another by the way, this is actually affecting readers in other countries. This person I'm talking about is way more famous now in a very bad way than what they ever intended to be. That's what happens when you play head games with a major player in a world fandom. You're welcome.



Just leaving this here- a number of people have contacted me about this person, and are privately very happy that I've walked away.


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