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Thursday, March 24, 2016

awareness

Journaling another POV is a whole other discipline. It's different from just writing another POV. Yeah, talking about Starrstrukk. There's a sad part coming.



Several recent things conspired neatly in my head and whadayaknow, suddenly it was clicking with something else I was thinking, and I couldn't sleep until nearly 2 a.m. last night because it was all so busy in there. It didn't even wait for me to start dreaming last night. It kinda started with rereading a friend's older post on dimensions (string theory stuff), then seeing Sean Carroll's tweet about his book, and the communication POV problem I'm wrestling with presenting in my book, then my head was all like You forgot the minecraft part, and *click*click*click* there it all went. In MY book I'll be taking Sean's stuff to the next level with using symbolism as a synesthete with an autism spectrum brain. Yes, I've also been wildly ducking off highways into parking lots to write notes on the car all week. Srsly gripped with this idea I'm word constructing.

click to check it out

Word rasslin'. The goal is to effectively communicate from my brain to yours what it's really like living in my brain in as elegantly few words as possible, you know, bcuz ur kidz haz autistik thots & u wonder wut's in their little noggins. And that suddenly reminds me I never got back to the correspondences. Sorry guys, got Bunny bombed and stuff. You're on the list.

It was really cute, after she got up from her nap, she was sitting on my lap munching while we watched the vids I got of her, and when we got to this one her eyes got big, and I said, "Boy, you sure got mad at Meemaw", and she said kinda quietly, "Yeah, I was real mad." It was so cute how surprised she was to see herself like that. And this is where it all begins for me, like I tell my psyche guy all the time- I had no alt-POV tools in my head for many years. I wasn't able to picture my own self and behavior, much less understand what others saw and thought, until well into grade school. #autismspectrum So Bunny- who's not autism spectrum, quite the opposite, very social and aware- is leading me through my childhood again, through the relationships I never developed. I didn't have relationships, just shared existences with other people, even my own mother. About the only person I felt an emotional connection to for many years was my first sister down. But here we go, that point of view thing. Imagine a 2 1/2 year old seeing herself like this and her brain tacking it into her growing social map. It was as magical for me as it was her.



I wrote a short observation called our selves in 2008 about how self awareness changes who we are and burdens us with the notion of self worth. I think society nowadays is so oppressive with self awareness overload that we'll be needing to evolve a new way of looking at it to survive the next growth step in our group psychological health. That is what I'm working on. And yes, minecraft and physics help.



This lends a whole new perspective to 'box canyon' and 'thinking outside of the box'.



I finally have a day off (won't have another one until April 1st, keeping my fingers crossed), and @bonenado has a septic guy coming out, so I can't shut everything off and go back to bed until he's come and gone. I got a couple hours sleep yesterday afternoon and about 3 hours last night, so that's how we roll today. Was planning on getting stuff uploaded through the night, but lightning kept me off the tech, so today already feels like catching up through sticky tar because my head is so full of stuff that needs doing. So I need a boost off here.

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