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| experimenting with piles of leaves as a way to hide from mobs at night |
My brain is really grabbing onto minecraft. It saturates my dreams now. I just woke up from one where I was standing in a mall. I had been watching a little girl try to push through the glass in a display window to get to something that she wanted on the other side. Of course the glass didn't budge and she was very frustrated. My first thought watching her was that we automatically think as children that we can move the blocks in our way, like minecraft. I got my phone out and started filming her, and I narrated these words.
"I believe our souls come from a place where manipulating space and time and matter was very different. When we come here, we learn to slow down and have patience so we can see each other."
And then I woke up and came screaming out of bed to write that down before it got lost.
I am very tired. I have three more days of occupational therapy on my arms and hands before I see the surgeon again at the end of the month. The pain has been bad enough to keep me feeling a little nauseated nearly this whole month, and it has become abundantly clear that I'm going to eventually lose all the function in my arms like my mom did. She was 69 when she passed. I watched her lose all that function over about ten years, and by the end her hands had locked into immovable fists. I know by my 40th birthday she was right side deficit from a stroke, which was 8 years before she passed. I've been told my entire adult life I'm too young for all the pain and problems I've had to overcome (since my 20's), and I can tell some of where I'm heading might be at a faster pace than my mom went. We thought all her deficit and loss was from strokes, but I've got plenty of indication I won't need to have a single stroke to wind up in the kind of muscle freeze she did.
That little girl was me. My entire life has been about learning patience, and seeing past the frustration to the souls beyond the communication walls. Our emotions get in the way far too much. Emotions are good for letting us know a problem needs solving, but first we have to learn to sort our emotions out so that we can go on to solve the problems. The biggest thing I've learned as aspie married to ADHD and raising someone else's child with a very different brain style than mine is that there is nothing on this earth except myself preventing me from becoming a kind person. The whole thing, the whole point of being here, is about learning how to slow down and be kind. It's very hard to be kind when frustration keeps rearing its ugly head. I see it all around me on the medias and when I get around other people. Everyone is frustrated. We all think we have to be some place and do something and forget that doesn't supersede learning how to be good people. We're mean to each other, some even to their own families and kids. Some are so off track that they use other people without love at all, and human trafficking is deeply entrenched in the world around us until its invisible and acceptable and part of everything we do without even realizing it.
We come here to learn something. We leave here with nothing but what we've learned. During our occupation here we move a whole lot of little blocks around- blocks of time, blocks of money, blocks of housing and food and entertainment, and even literal blocks of earth and mountains and water and manufacturing and built up wealth, just like in minecraft.
And lest anyone mock minecraft, 30 years ago it was pixelated ping pong on a very simple screen, and I remember people being pretty glued to it.
On a side note, I also think a lot about the physics of the minecraft world. I know it's just coding built into 'blocks' and everything in the minecraft world is about codes interacting (wow, kinda looking at the real world in a new way, everything is just codes interacting...), but there is a different sort of physics there. Physics are just sets of rules. Water in minecraft is counterintuitive to water here, so filling up a pool was interesting. We can't just anchor water to a block in real life, and it smooths itself out here. In minecraft you can have blocks of water flowing in all directions for no reason (that you know of), and it actually kills fish. I killed a few fish before I figured out how to turn off the flow in all the blocks.
I think staggering around as I'm getting hit by arrows is about as realistic as it gets. I have to organize my thoughts into action under duress, just like real life, running, ducking behind trees and blocks, aiming my own bow, charging with my sword against more incoming arrows. My favorite is when a whole group comes after me and they all wind up dead because they accidentally kill each other in process, all I have to do is charge in and start flailing my sword, and next thing you know, there's zombie flesh and skeleton bones and creeper flint just laying around. It's way better than watching TV. I've been fantastically burned out on TV this last year.
Ok, focus. Plan. This week is 2 physical therapies, a chiropractor, and a teeth cleaning. Next week is a physical therapy, a chiropractor, a Bunny day, and the very last big day of March is psyche guy and the surgeon follow up and a really big surgery on a baby in the family, so that's a full day in town and lots of seeing people. I'm hoping to at least go hug the mama.
April will hopefully be a month off. March has been so busy and overwhelming that I'm barely able to think. I think this is the longest twitter break I've ever taken, barely even touching base there. Behind the scenes I've actually got several things going. I need to respond to a couple of correspondences about a couple of projects, and maybe start a follow up correspondence about a suggested project, and I got permission for something on another project. And it's time to get my money organized again because it won't be long until other projects need paying for.
OH, ha, forgot all about this. I got into my google web tools page for a few minutes yesterday, because I hadn't in so long until recently, thought I'd take a good look around to make sure everything was ok, right? This is the list of search bar phrases that has popped Pinky blog up over the last 7 days. I'm loving the 'shark attack' and 'practice my stabbing' and 'magic jurassic blitz', but I think my top fave is 'puzzles and dragons and egg farming'.
No security issues with Pinky blog, yay.
My crawl rate is optimal and I currently have no crawl errors, yay.
Passed the robot test, yay.
They want me to improve my search presence. Can you imagine if I did? I'm too lazy.
This really isn't that impressive, although these are external links, not internal. You guys know I link like a crazy maniac. However, third one down, I have NOT linked that post outside of Pinky blog that many times. I imagine that was a good twitter share day among fellow aspies and auties or something.
I wanted something to compare that to, so I looked at the GWT on Lexxperience (which passed security and crawl and robot with flying colors, as well), and this is more impressive to me. My stuff at Lexxperience really does get linked around the world, and I'm going to say right now that it's actually really impressive that my Stanley character post has been outside linked more than any other character post. The 3 domain thing only means it was shared on the same medium, like VK (which is like facebook outside the U.S.), twitter, etc. I'm really liking the 24 domains linking the main blog page. Ten of those source domains are probably mine, because of course I've linked my own Lexx blog in other places (twitter bio, facebook page and group, tumblr, linkedin, aboutme, gravatar, paperli, the other Lexx blog, syfydesigns), but I seriously doubt I've linked my main page outside of it more than a couple hundred times, unlike Pinky blog, which is linked on just about everything I own because it's a central redirection hub. So basically, thanx to fans linking and link sharing back to my Lexxperience page.
Last couple of days I've been on UK time or something, this waking up at 1 and 2 a.m. stuff is going to get old. I think my body will be pretty relieved to get back to regular workouts in April.
Ok, need a tune so I can get off here.
