-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero, this blog is PinkyGuerrero, ongoing continuation at blogs Pinky & Janika & Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, June 28, 2015

down to bizness

I have a nephew on the way who has already been named Rogue. Pinky approves. My first thought was Rogue Leader, since the wedding pictures have light sabers in them, but apparently it's something else. At any rate, I come from rogue parents, so it seems natural to me. I'm a rule changer, an over the line stepper, forging awkwardly ahead at all the wrong moments, and winding up in all the right and wrong places in synchronous nicks of time.

I've mentioned a few times that we're living on an edge of not knowing if and when our lives will drastically change without a lot of warning. @bonenado's work place has been on the market for a couple of years, and just recently one of the bids dropped out, leaving another bid to surge forward into finalizing paperwork IF an agreement is reached. We've managed to stay pretty calm through two years of what if with a new Bunny tossed into the mix for laughs. By the way, she's pretty awesome distraction.

I had a feeling we might be getting close, so I got my fees paid through the spring and am spending the summer paying for badly needed new glasses, restocked shoes and underwear, and now I'm focusing on clearing out my hard drive in preparation for the inevitable crash, now that my warranty and protection plans have officially expired. Our phone plans expired a long time ago, and we're not upgrading until we know how much our budget will get chopped. The last car and furniture payments are close to done, too, so we're on point with the when-the-ship-sinks Plan.

I don't like stressing out. I'm a denier. I block out and shut down and focus on the next meal, and if the stress gets through to my brain, I clean house like a banshee. I'm not afraid of being broke or poor, God knows how I literally starved and slept on floors or in a car in my younger days, and I even washed diapers in a bathtub for two months. I'm really good at spartan living, a natural Bohemian.

BUT. As tight as my own money belt already is, I have become accustomed to heavily using tech as a coping mechanism. I don't drink, I'm not on meds, I don't have friends in real life, I don't see family because we live so far apart- I'm alone. I spend 10-12 hours a day sometimes 6 days a week alone. My neighbors are usually gone, everything outside is toxic because super allergies, and tech is my only connection to other people. I don't even have a landline to call 9-1-1.

If my tech goes out, I may have to float a couple months or more before I reconnect. I'm crossing every phalange on my body that it doesn't come to that. I'm hoping that the rest of the summer is a productive spurt of me super organizing all my projects to help me calmly stay in denial. If I can't deal, I'ma try to stay off twitter because the last thing I want is my TL turning into a dump zone.

One of my disclaimers on some of my blogs is "I will never ask for or accept donations to keep this site going. Ever." I will respect my online friends a lot more if you do NOT try to help me. I see a lot of places on the webs asking for donations for everything from genuine local charities to a broad vague variety of entertainments. If you feel the need to give money away, please help pay for sick children's cancer treatments or lung transplants.

The reason I'm writing this post is 1) simple documention, this is a journal of sorts, and 2) I've mentioned a few times that I intend to never completely disappear off the internet again like I've done in the past, and if I do, that's how you know I died. Well, I don't want my friends thinking I died. I've got a few phone numbers, if my tech crashes while we're in limbo I'll have a couple twitter friends help me stay in contact or tweet links or something.

In the meantime, I'll keep popping out on twitter and facebook and keep writing and do my best to pretend none of this is happening while I go OCD all over my house and hard drive. Not worried, just antsy. It's all good. Distraction and staying busy is key.