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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

that's right, I read every single vanity card

Any time I feel weird about blogging (it still happens), my right parietal lobe points to Chuck Lorre's vanity cards at the end of Big Bang. Nine years of vanity cards on that show alone, plus he does them for seven shows. He freely calls people idiots. To which I reply it was pretty idiotic that Stuart didn't know what filking was this week. That exploded my brain almost as badly as Caitlin not knowing what a singularity was.

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I know, I got mean starting into this week. I'm on antibiotic now. Thanks to my hyper-enhanced nervous system awareness coming back online, I can feel all kinds of little cells releasing trapped interstitial fluid to sludge around my face between my skull bones and the tissues shrink wrapped around them. I couldn't feel anything going on at all until I popped those first little Zs from my Z-Pak. Now every pore in my body feels like sludge fighting to get through tiny little doors. My earballs must've been numb or something, too, because they're sure stabby now. I used to herx big time on Z-Paks, but I've noticed ever since I got off wheat last year I just sweat. And this time my energy started surging back in 30 minutes flat after I kept laying back down on the couch all morning feeling like all I wanted to do was sleep. So, conclusion is when I feel super lazy I'm really just being held captive by bacterial entrenchment. I keep forgetting that. I can't count on symptoms to know when I'm sick. You know what prompted my phone call to the doctor? I was laying there thinking how delicious it felt to just lay there for the third time before noon. I n.e.v.e.r. do that. That's not me. IT'S A TRAP! And once I realized I was severely off my usual behavior, that was when my eyes popped open and I sat up and started dialing.

Yesterday was surreal.

If you don't want a former roofing crew surprising you at 8 a.m. in your pajamas because the contractor told them to FIX THE MAILBOX that they already fixed after they backed right over it, snapping a 4x4 post like dry spaghetti, then don't mention in passing to the contractor when he calls to check on satisfaction levels that they broke off the mailbox. I've been working on @bonenado's communication skills for two decades. We were actually fine with the mailbox being snapped off and then hastily replanted because he's been wanting to move it for a long time anyway, it's in a bad spot, and this incident happily fixed the problem of having to dig up the cement that super sturdy post was set into. Guess what. It's right back in cement again.

And if that weren't enough, when they were all done one of them came back to the door and asked about the poop complaint. ????? The most awkward moment of my whole year award goes to me having to explain to a man I've never met before in my life in my pajamas (thank you so much, @bonenado, I owe you for this one) that, while I understand urgency and yes things happen, it's just not cool to do a squat thrust right next to someone's deer feeder, maybe work on the stealth a bit. So I thought they were all done, but no, the crew all tromped down to the deer feeder to document where it happened, omg. I told @bonenado for all I know, they could have peed all over everything down there getting even for the complaints. I'm sure they didn't, but that was an epic facepalm in the managing one's deer behaviors department.

Why complain if we don't want someone coming back and fixing something? That's like pulling a waitress aside after your meal is done and saying you didn't care for the way the chef slopped a little of the meat sauce onto your vegetables and the restaurant manager makes a big embarrassing deal about correcting what's ridiculously way past correcting.

I later realized driving to the doctor that I must really actually have something going on, because driving was also surreal, like I was on a handful of meds or something. I'm usually a nervous wreck when I drive, and it was all I could do to pay attention. And then waiting in the pharmacy for antibiotic got even more surreal when my sister texted there'd been a bomb evac in her kids' school system. O_O Everyone's ok, finally got the all clear about sunset, but they had local FBI and bomb squad and everything down there. I'm finding out that school threats happen nearly every day somewhere in the country, and that the govt is actually taking them very seriously. Homeland Security doesn't care if it's a hoax, it's a federal offense. Want another good @bonenado facepalm? His best friend called in a bomb scare as a prank in middle school and wound up in reform school, spent the rest of his school life snapping to like military. I may as well go ahead and just say he had other friends later on that got arrested for forgery, plates and all. His past is like mine, wound up in dark places with bad seeds and managed to stay out of the real trubba.

You know that scene where John throws Mary's past into the fire? Yeah, that. We were married nearly 15 years before we started spilling our pasts to each other. I think John and Mary have the sweetest scenes in television history.

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