-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, November 22, 2015

pre-Turkey Day junk dump

Good freezing morning, woke up to 20F at 3 a.m., splains why I slept better in my big fuzzy robe and big fuzzy sox all night.

This one is turning into my Turkey week theme song. If I lived anywhere near NYC, you know I'd be sitting in a theater as often as I could. Countdown to Macy's Parade is on, twiddling my thumbs while I wait for the preshow. Broadway Participants in 2015 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Announced

I guess last year I went missing on Pinky blog for about a week and didn't show back up until December. Since I've been relying on a personal blog to help me remember things since 2004, I have no idea why I didn't blog for a whole week. I was writing at SyfyDesigns, though. A few days before Thanksgiving I did Turkey Coffee, a Pinky Stuff blurb mentioning a writer's obsession with Nancy Drew showering showed up the day before Thanksgiving, and then I slammed out The Walking Dead- Overthinking Zombies bright and early Thanksgiving morning (stress writing probably saved that whole day for me). After that I briefly disappeared into a swirl of ethereal fog.

I did a twitter search for "@pinkyguerrero Thanksgiving" and see I was also active on twitter right around Thanksgiving last year.

click for string of thoughts
And I had a whole convo going around this coming back out of my hole in December. I'll never make that mistake again. Yeah, clicks out.

But yeah, other than these, I kinda dropped off the map for three days, and then I came back all scattered in December with that unfinished Bunny post on Lexxperience, and after Christmas I was so messed up I made Pinky's Sox. I think I said it best in a survey when I came back public in 2012- I Try To Excercise My Demons, But They’ve Gotten Out Of Shape. -survey

My perfect Thanksgiving would be gentle on the brain, easy on the feels, include a nap, and basically just stay in my routine. I'm an extremely routine oriented person. I went through bedtime rituals for years that finally got out of hand enough that even I had to say ok, that's enough.

Ok, back to now. I'm going to try to actually make it through Thanksgiving like a normal person this year and keep touching base. Many of you just shrug it off with a little wine (or a lot) (or lots more adult beverages and various mood enhancers), but you know I'm getting through everything on some pretty raw nerves. Distraction is key.

And so is a plan!!! I keep thanking goodness I still haven't done the floors yet. My mighty hunter keeps dragging stuff in on his clothes and boots, and it's not terrible, but it's enough to get me tense if I try to clean in the middle of it. So Monday after he goes back to work- THE FLOORS.

Tuesday I need to start some of the do ahead prep stuff. Wednesday will probably be a Bunny day. Thursday is anyone's guess, but I will do my best to actually watch the parade this year. My dad mentioned wanting to be dropped off here one day if my sister can pick him back up the same day on her way back from her kiddo's place, so no idea if I'll have a long visit in the middle of whatever whenever.

I know people worry a little if they don't see me out here, so just in case I disappear into overload (great article, moms and dads) again this year, here is some trewth. I'll be ok, and I will be back.

For general amusement, what were Thanksgivings like for aspienado growing up? Against all my wishes, I often became the focus of the room. My nerves were always shot, and I subsequently wound up being the kid who threw up or cut themselves on something and had blood everywhere or accidentally knocked the fine glassware over onto the fine linen, and I grew up with angry faces looking at me and angry voices crabbing at me every holiday, although some of the nicer people politely snubbed away with "I'm glad that's not my kid" looks on their faces. I was the klutz everywhere I went, the inappropriate person in every room (the one snorting milk through my nose), the accident always on the verge of happening, and the person most likely to feel too gross to participate, and most of that was pure nerves. I can tell you from experience that aspies and auties do NOT "learn" to 'behave well' through any kind of pressure to perform. If you want your child to get through a public performance around less familiar people and especially in an unfamiliar place full of unfamiliar smells and activity (unfamiliar meaning out of the every day routine), practice. Don't save everything for one day, capiche? Get the kid used to smells and flavors and people slowly and routinely. Reward the child for having a good day, not for cooperating. Having a good day means your child is successfully adapting, not just performing correctly. Find alternate ways to handle things going out of control. (An out of control parent cranking at a kid for messing up is pretty ludicrous if you think about it.) Be happy for your child when he/she has a good day. Be forgiving of your child when he/she has a bad day. You will get way further not focusing so hard on every move your kid makes and not overreacting to every little thing that goes wrong. Oh, and it can't hurt to stick up for your kid once in awhile. Scores points for when you're old and your kid is taking care of you.

No one ever defended me on Thanksgiving. Year after year I managed to ruin holidays in some of the oddest ways, and some not very nice things have been said to me by various extended family members. Since I am aspienado, those moments were branded into my brain and I can't seem to shake them off and forget them. Remembering holidays makes me sad, and trying to stay in touch with people on holidays after a childhood of feeling very in the way also makes me feel sad. I would probably be better adjusted emotionally if I'd been allowed to hole up in a quiet room when I needed to instead of being forced to play along like some miscreant in the theater of the absurd. Making tablescapes and clothing and manners more important than loving and forgiving each other on Thanksgiving will burn holes in your kids. If you're the adult and you haven't dealt with that incongruity by now, you really need to step back and figure your life out.

I understand NOW what it's all about, and I don't make a production of holidays that people have to play up to. I try to make it more enjoyable in my house. That means extremely casual and laid back, lots of munchies, fun with the kids (kids are priority in my house, not adults), and lots of smiling and laughing, not because we're pretending to be happy, but because we're actually having fun and being silly and enjoying one another. I spent way too many years trying to measure up to other people's ideas of how things should be and epic failing. Life is too short to not jump off that hamster wheel.

Me and Thanksgiving irl.

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