-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, November 8, 2015

a little tiny person in a great big place

A couple of days ago I mentioned a big hard day out with Bunny, and then on twitter yesterday I said pix coming, and here we go, after I say a couple things again.

I got a little lecture-y in that mention post about tears for a commercial. That commercial was a concocted fictional story designed to yank your chains so you'd spend money (with a nice cover agenda), and apparently it was a wild success. I've already done my crying, thank you. After going through being DPOA for my own parent in a nursing home for 5 years, I think that ad sucks because a little wave from a very long distance without a single word or touch is still pretty lame. An aging population not being 'visited' by family probably means there are some pretty full plates out there, and thank goodness there are programs and facilities in place to help us care for our aging parents.

What I'm about to show you is real life, and in the mention post I said I shut off my feels so I could handle the hard. Before we get started you need to understand why I said that. We have lots of experience in our family. My sister's oldest daughter grew up in and out of hospitals and finally died in one, and then she nearly lost her only other child several years later after a car hit her in a crosswalk and they reconstructed her leg (nearly lost it) and got her through some pretty sucky head trauma. Our Bunny's mama had a very terrible experience herself in a hospital and had to be transported across the state after a surgery accident, and she and @bonenado were there through Christmas with Sploit and I not knowing if they'd both make it home, so that was a sucky holiday for sure. I've visited the Cystic Fibrosis wing in a research/college hospital a couple of times, full of kids who get dropped off by parents for routine yearly 2-week 'maintenance' or more imminent needs and testing. For someone who's never actually been admitted to a hospital despite having heart surgery (outpatient, believe it or not) and the plethora of miseries I've suffered (including a really bad car accident), I'm very familiar and even comfortable in them because I visit them so much. I even say in Explaining Depression- "If I had the stamina, I'd be volunteering at one of the hospitals, because I love hospitals and feel safe there. I've spent so much time in hospitals hanging out with other people that they feel like home to me, even though I've never been hospitalized myself." By the way, I don't watch hospital shows on TV. My fave part to hate on in hospital room scenes is the character ripping or taking the IV out without any blood spurting around or even applying pressure or covering up that spot, and then just walking right out. I once accidentally tore an IV out and blood so thoroughly shot all over the room and everything in it that I felt like I was the star in a horror film. What is the point of realistic filming if IV scenes are so blown off, yea verily.

Just a quickie for people still feeling teary-eyed or even guilty over the 'man on the moon' ad- take a book, take your knitting or ipad, pack nibblies in a lunchbox, pack activities for kids, and plan on hanging out for awhile when you go visit old people in their home or care facility. You don't have to talk and make eye contact that whole time (it's hard for some older people to talk anyway), you don't have to 'do stuff' for them, just show up and hang around, take a break and walk around, eat in the cafeteria with them (or by their bedside), and when you say goodbye, just say you'll try to come back soon. Very simple, no pressure. If you think you'll have a hard time, take xanax or something before you go. I had a very hard time with it. I actually fled the building a few times feeling very sick. Make yourself psychologically comfortable with a little help (don't go in drunk, guys), and just be yourself hanging out. My mom's care facility had a resident cat that creeped the hallways and visited all the rooms, and a bird cage, and a fenced 'back yard' with a bench and a big tree, and even a small lending library with books and magazines (another idea for charity- donate books and magazines to nursing homes!!!), and a giant fish tank. If you're stuck for a charity idea this year, go poke around a local nursing home. And take socks.

Ok, back to Bunny. I haven't been saying much, but we've been watching a little problem for several months, and now we're going through steps making sure other bigger problems aren't going on. She's ok. Not out of the woods yet, but passed one of the bigger tests with flying colors.

Things are so different nowadays. When I was a kid, medical tests in a hospital were way more traumatic. Kids were treated very differently, barked at to behave, and then parents were frowned on if the kids were nervous or afraid. I was a screamer (#aspienado), but I also had a very controlling parent, so when I had a barium enema at around 5 or 6 years old, I did what I was told but the trauma was almost inexcusable, and I certainly wasn't reassured in any form before, during, or after. (Bunny had a different test, but still invasive.)

having a toy to bite on while waiting is good
Bunny's experience was very different. She was allowed to be a real person, spoken to like a real person, given time to process and understand requests, and was handled by empathetic adults all around. The tech told Bunny's mama she was the quietest 2 year old they'd ever had (as in not screamy) and I believe the reason is because she trusts her mama so completely. Circus baby (yowza, that post looks like it's been invaded with viral ads or something) is one example of a full blown ADHD person raising a full blown ADHD baby. We are strong advocates for neurodiversity (I have Aspergers) and it shows in how well Bunny behaves in new and sometimes scary situations.

As scary as medical stuff is (I have outstanding anxiety around MRIs and stuff), nowadays we are surrounded, for the most part, by people who are much more empathetic and very well trained, and all the stuff we go through is to make sure we can be as healthy as possible, no matter what is going on with us.


The waiting room is hard, too. I brought stuff to do, but I got a little silly. If I hadn't been on the very edge of my phone plan, I probably would've been tweeting. I was surprised how quickly they got done, and next thing you know, there's a Bunny telling me c'mon, let's go.

She even got a little baby to take with her. No one ever gave me a little baby after stuff like that when I was a kid.

The best part about hospitals nowadays is gift shops and coffee shops and places to hang out that feel more like a mall or something. I know it's hard for some parents to allow a child to feel like they have some control in public situations, especially if you're not sure what they'll do, but I've become very comfortable with 'busy' little people. You just hafta get in busy gear along with them and keep up. Once they own their space, they get over stuff real fast.

Grampa couldn't be there, but we knew he'd have picked out this penguin. He really likes penguins.

Second breakfast, like a Hobbit. I heard she ate 2 pancakes before I picked them up, and now look at her go! (Even during a tooth coming in, wow.) Big stuff makes a person hungry. Hospital cafeterias rock, I don't care what anyone says. I've eaten many meals in 'canteen'.

And then it all catches up and we get tired.

That penguin looks like a second child.

The older doctor who ordered this test was very kind, like a grampa doctor, but he had ordered sedation for this test, which would have required driving to the university hospital in Columbia. @bonenado and I were all for this plan after the traumas we've been through as kids during medical testing and stuff. However, Bunny's mama talked to a nurse who does this test all day on kids and she advised against sedation for several reasons (sedation complications outweighing trauma problems), and after being told she'd be allowed in, went ahead and scheduled for local, which would be much less stressful for her because work and other things. After listening to her research and knowing she'd be there where Bunny could see her and know her mama would see what she's going through (since a child that young can't verbalize and communicate fear later when memories come up), I was ok with it, too, and tagged along for support. I really and truly believe the worst things adults do to children is tell them to shut up or be still during fear and nerves, and then not walk them through the emotional process. I touched base a little about how shut down I was as a child and what I'm still working on with a psychologist in hybrid- how robots go on. I think a lot of adults around my age range are having midlife crises because of traumas they never effectively or successfully processed as children, and that leads to feeling helpless and powerless as adults and consequently making bigger emotional demands on other adults, leading to divorces and all kinds of other things. We are all broken.

I am very proud of my Twink (Bunny's mama) for being so patient with her kiddo and making the world better for her. It actually turned out to be a good day. This is me taking them to the back side of the parking lot because I got the closer spot.

After that we split up, and now I have other pix.

Despite going through one of the most brilliant and longest lasting autumns we've had in years, I've gotten very few pictures, after years of being obsessed with photographing autumn. So I grabbed a shot while I was driving, lol. Now I don't feel like I missed autumn. I made a much bigger deal about it last year.

A guy @bonenado works with makes wine, and this is made from my sister's blueberry field.

I really miss being able to tweet pix from my phone, I used to do that a lot. @bonenado and I got a rare day out yesterday, went to town super early and hung out piddling and running errands for a few hours. He's a big Hot Wheels collector, so I wind up looking through them, too, and I can't get over how silly the licensing has gotten. Really? Can you imagine Lexx Hot Wheels? I mean, at this point, I'd love to see anything merched with Lexx on it, it would mean something's actually happening with the property. Oh, well.


Then we wandered around several Christmas shops in the stores we visited. This one would be perfect for #latenightmovie gang.

And this is just cute.

No, we didn't buy any new ornaments. EXCEPT. We found a matching robot, so now we have a @bonenado robot to go with Pinky robot that we found a few years ago.


I know some of you really hate early Christmas music. After YEARS of refusing to even listen to Christmas music, I'm finally in a little bit of a mood again. Still twisted, but it's kinda back.

1 comment:

  1. All three of you should be proud of how the day went. I know how challenging (not going to say hard) it is to get thru some of that. Bunny is in my prayers, well actually all of you are <3