-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Friday, November 13, 2015

holiday-y #FlashbackFriday

I'm in shock. I've got two sweaters on.

Yesterday's ASTYM was the roughest yet. I'm not an easy bruiser, but this time I'm bruised up from neck to mid-back and on both shoulders and neck. It's amazing, though, how gloriously 'free' I feel to move, and the pain level is back down again.

My mind is so blank that I'm going to go backwards and grab stuff from this day through the years. (An hour later- smashing and recoding webkits will always be my go-to during brain glitch/fail. If you ever don't see me for awhile, I'm swimming delightfully through html.)

From 2014.

"I am loathe to enter on loseit.com that I just ate a third of a pound of bacon while I was wrestling all that out on the keyboard."

From 2014 on SyfyDesigns. (Ok, I actually linked the day before because it's way better than a year ago today, but you'll still be able to see today after it.)

From 2013 on SyfyDesigns, again, one day before today, in the middle of a whole page of Tony luv.

And OH YEAH winning the zombie hand (<--pix) from Syfy!

From 2012, sorry no link, it's private from here on back, so you get more than one sentence if I deem it worthy.

Wow, is my brain gone. This is later. I tried to count some days, and it took me 5 tries to get past 20 correctly. I'd blame the antibiotic, but this morning I counted even worse. Maybe it's the sinus. Now I'm wondering how in the world I picked up groceries and two prescriptions with $23 today. I think it was $5 each for pills (generic) which is $10, and $13 for milk and a couple other things, and I still brought home change. I just do these things, the numbers float around independently. Not sure why a light bulb came on *now*.

If I don't lay down real soon, I feel like my body will pull a Transformers thing and refold itself into a horizontal position without my consent and I'll be so surprised to find my eyeballs looking up from the middle somewhere. Later.

Oh, gotta share this one.  I keep getting footprints on fortuna from someone in --- who thinks they're browsing anonymously, but referral gives me their xanga name embedded in 'private home' xanga address, so I looked it up.  He's a 16 year old supergay in love with another boy at school, and they carry on like little girls swooning, and I'm wondering what in the world is Lexx to him, because he comes in on Lexx pages, and has been since I started.  For some reason, I just think that's really funny.  Maybe because I've been drowning in European middle agers swooning over young Irish actor Colin Morgan in the Merlin fandom.  The young Irish supergay wants old Lexx...

Colin can't believe it, either. (For the record, I thought this was pretty awesome. You guys know the little thrills I get from tracker stat puzzles.) (Also for the record, the 'gotta share' was because one person in the entire world could see this private blog.)


From 2011.

Well, dawn has been cracked for 30 minutes and I see no sign of Scott, but neither do I see a single crow hanging around the bird feeder and they're not even flying over cawing, which is very unusual, so I'm betting they are watching Scott somewhere.  I've seen deer come into the back yard and nibble groundcover within 15 feet of the crows, and if the crows take off, so do the deer, so I know the deer are watching the crows.  The routine is way out of kilter this morning, even though the Boyd boys don't seem to be around now, so who knows how the Mighty Hunter might be triggering events in his environment.

I just shake my head at him.  He almost got after me for putting so many onions in the meatloaf, and I rolled my eyes, here we go again.  The deer will smell your onion breath...  He decided that's ok, he could use scope.  ~Seriously?~  Yeah, why not?  Um.  Can we *think* about that one?  If deer would actually be spooked by something as natural as onion breath, which I'm sure they themselves must have on the occasion with all the wild stuff we have growing in SW MO, surely *scope* would be worse...?  The deer smell minty fresh breath on the wind and call an all clear...  He goes to all the trouble to rewash clean clothes in unscented high dollar soap just so it won't smell like laundry, and he rinses with scope.  And he thinks I'm a real dingle berry making a big deal about the scope.  As you can imagine, we're kinda bickering a bit since deer season started.

There is no way I can write any more without it continually coming back to deer season bugging me, especially after me nearly hurting myself helping Scott get that stupid deer stand up and he's not even using it.  I should just walk away.

(This next is usually what happens after Scott comes home without a deer.)


We have lights up on the back deck!    I told Scott to stop at that, the cantina lights.  Don't want to come out of a 5-6 year slump to regret doing it, right?  We also went next door and strung up lights around the roof of gram's house, easy and quick and cheerful.


From 2010, the year I picked up hand-foot-mouth disease from the arm of a waiting room chair because I was so careful not to touch anything else in a room full of old people waiting to be called back for colonoscopies (I was a driver) while they kept racing in and out to a bathroom down the hall. The walk-in clinic doctor I saw a few days later couldn't believe I didn't get it from a child, but I hadn't been around any children at all in months, so all y'alls- WASH YOUR HANDS!!!! >=l That's just disgusting. I'm surrounded by peasants everywhere I go.

Feeling weird and goofy with all these spots in my mouth.  New one under my tongue, only bothers me when I eat.  Easy to dehydrate with this, don't like anything touching my throat, even cool water.  Really tired of numbing, and it tastes gross.  Actually, my taste is screwed up anyway with these welts on my tongue.  Hot chocolate and eggnog easiest to get down.  Still having wobbly spells, musta woke up in another fever last night.  Fingertips are getting real sensitive, figure it's the little hand blisters coming on under the skin.  Can't see them yet, but feels uncomfortable.  Feet feel hot and uncomfortable, not even bothering to look at them.  Eyes are really itchy, have what looks like super glue sheeting in the corners, can't get it out for anything.  Prolly part of the virus.

From 2009. What can I say. It was a hella rough year and this show got me through it.

I see Mac's mom on Always Sunny in Philadelphia and think, that's probably what I'm going to look like some day, but without the chain smoking. I think she's hilarious.

(This vid is an update smuggled back onto youtube. Love fans.)

I was slightly double blogging that year as I shifted away from this other private blog in an attempt to get a better attitude going, so what's coming next is this baditude. I've credited in a couple of public posts that being pissy and even hateful is what got me through and helped me survive the suckiest parts of my life. I learned all new respect for hateful people that year. Only thing is, I finally couldn't stand myself like that and eventually figured out I need people, and then made a plan to come back out for good this time, and that's what Pinky blog is. Imagine me evolving from this crap to love letter blog.

After a good think for a few days, I told the psychologist today that I've decided I'm not cut out to be a social networking person, and I think the problem I'm having with everyone else on myspace and facebook over the last couple years is me not being able to tolerate the incongruity that lies in whiny one-liners that don't match real life.

~lotta deleted gossip~

It's things like that why I need to just stop logging in to social networks. I love these people in real life. Online I can't stand them...

Anyway, going forward. Huge change in my life, closing down everything I've done since '04 and sealing it off from not only the public, but especially from my own family.

~lots more deleted gossip~

I feel like I'm throwing shackles off, it feels good. No longer tied down to others' needs and messes, free of the silliness. I tried so hard to follow them around on social networking in order to stay in touch when they'd go months between phone calls and even longer never seeing me in person.

I asked -- today if she'd like to go back out to Carthage sometime to the Precious Moments museum, like when we went with Mom. She has no memory of me going with them... She was so surprised that I could recall details, like the stained glass ceiling in the library on the town square, etc. I told her I felt very bad that day and tagged along and didn't talk much, but I didn't say that my feelings felt flung off a hamster wheel that she wouldn't remember hours of me hanging out with them. Even in really bad pain, that trip meant a lot to me, and I still remember tons of details.

I remember my mom started forgetting lots of stuff by the time I was in high school and then raising kids. She didn't remember things from my childhood that even now I still remember clearly. -- is already forgetting big chunks of stuff from just the last ten years, so much so that it's impossible to talk to her about some stuff. And now --...

Oh, well. Like I said, moving forward now.

From 2008. This time of year is like a rerun. Every year we go through this same convo, same actions, same everything.

Scott's busy little brain is working out a schedule this weekend.  He wants to go out hunting early Saturday morning, and I guess he's so excited or something that he can't sleep.  I got up around 4 and he was already gone to work.  He usually doesn't leave until 5.  Then we yakked on the phone because he was the only one at work, and he's busy planning and over planning how and when and where he's going to get new long underwear (I told him I saw some in a Target sale ad) and all the high energy drinks and water and snacks and food he's going to need to take, and the times he'll send text messages so I'll know he's ok, etc.  And he's wanting to do a last yard mowing, but he can't because he'll go out into the woods sneezing (mowing has him sneezing for 24 hours), so he'll have to mow Sunday, yada yada yada.


The fabulous flu shot rush is over.  Back to same ol' same ol'.  Man, that was awesome.


Up against Scott's manager at work this week in fantasy football.  Picked up a different tight end, otherwise not sure if I should change anything.  I was ~so close~ to beating Scott, and the Rocketdogs (the manager's team) didn't do that great last week, even though the fantasy site carries on like all his guys are so great.  The deeper we go into this, the more I feel I'm throwing dice in a Parcheesi game.  There goes my fatalistic attitude, eh?  Scott says he's going to take over and play for me if I don't get on it.

Scott caved and ordered a smoked turkey from a coworker's kid from some kind of school fundraiser, and it arrived, there's no room in the freezer, so it's thawing in the fridge.  Now I am challenged to hack a 12 pound turkey down to manageable portions and design meals around them.  And we decided last year we don't even really like turkey.

Deer are all over the place.  Scott saw one in our front yard eating persimmons right by the road when he went out to start his truck at 5 a.m.  Now it's about 7, dawn is cracking, I'm hearing gun shots galore.  From Missouri Whitetail Deer Hunting Trips- "The 1st Gun Season in 2008 is November 15th through November 18th. The 2nd Gun Season is November 22nd through November 25th."  These are gunshots within a quarter mile of my house.  This is nearly as irritating as dealing with loose dogs.  I remember one year the girls and I were walking out to the car so I could drive them to school, and a shot ricocheted right through the yard, we could hear it whistle by.  I texted Scott about this morning's shots, he called in and reported it.

From 2007. I'm a super cynical minimalist. You guys don't see these kinds of long, ranty thinking. I do have a better car now, though. And my couch and TV have since been upgraded. Looking back on this is funny, because I live in a house on a 4ish acre lot that could go for $1M in California.

Twinkles wants an ipod touch for Christmas, so Scott and I talked to a Best Buy guy over the weekend about it.  He said so many people bring those back, disappointed that it's not the same thing as an iphone.  And he showed us an ipod for only $50 more that can hold 160GB, the equivalent of 40,000 songs.  We said no thanks.

While we were walking around the store on our own, dreaming of tvs (we're still using a 19" from the stone age), I told Scott if Twinkles got an iphone and either lost it or damaged it, she'd be freaking out over losing so much technology that was in one place, so I think it would be better to spread that stuff out into several gadgets.

Lo and behold, on Chuck last night, a customer comes into the store totally freaking out that her iphone has died, her whole life is on it, she can't live without it, etc.

My own life is very simple.  I don't own an ipod.  I still own vinyl albums and a turn table, plus cassettes and cds.  My old cd player is over 8 years old and still works fine.  I wouldn't mind having a stereo that converts vinyl to digital, but I'm not dying over not having it.  My car is a '99 Lumina with the paint starting to peel.  People scrape it a little all the time and I don't care because it's old.  In my mind, it's my baby Lamborghini, even though the cd player stopped working years ago and the seats are so worn down we can feel the metal bars.  I don't own a dishwasher.  I don't have a lot of fancy electronic gadgets in my kitchen.  I mostly eat off plastic plates and have only one stainless steel pan.  My couch is 17 years old.  I don't own any special kind of bed.  Most of my clothes are over 5 years old, some way more than that.  Our microwave is ancient.

I walk around big stores and think-- clutter.  Having to clean something.  Granted, I'd like a new couch and tv, but I can hardly complain while Scott is paying cash for so much of my medical, right?

I get on my computer and I'm so bored with it I mostly just blog and leave.  I feel like I've seen it all, done it all on the computer.  I could honestly live without one if I had to, although I do like it for keeping in touch with humanity because I'm such a hermit.

I neglected to log onto a few of my fansite myspaces for about a week while I was having those super bad headaches, so when I finally did, this chick (the one who says I'm a wizard) is flagellating herself for possibly saying something wrong-- why am I ignoring her?  So she starts talking about my top friends on those sites, I guess she's buddying up to my friends, and I'm going great, another ~stalker~...  Thank goodness this one is overseas, or at least I *hope* so.  I get this lengthy note about how friends depend on one another, etc., I have to realize this even if I need my space, etc, and I'm shaking my head going dang, she's been friended with me, what, two or three months?  And she's already giving me lectures and telling me all this stuff about how her Johnny Depp painting (she's NOT good...) and therefore Johnny Depp's own spirit 'saved' her life from electrocution because it looked at her when she started to pound a nail into a wall, and she found out she might have gone right through an electrical wire...  I know building codes, electrical wires are usually bundled along studs and not lying right next to sheet rock, but what do you say?  Um, yeah, indigenous peoples believed that we put bits of our energy into our artwork, so maybe that was really yourself saving your life...  Needless to even mention, she has no clue that I have other myspaces, particularly not the vanyablo.  Geez.  But if a couple of you here just HAPPEN to get friend requests from a chick called "---", deny deny deny.  Save yourself some trouble.  She's just another 'looter' out to dig up anything she can to find out who and where I really am.  People like that attach themselves to me all the time.  I just ignore it.

~deleting gossip~

THIS is why I hang onto a private xanga blog.  I don't have a myspace out there I can say stuff like this on without either inciting a riot or committing a federal crime.  I can't talk about Twinkles because so many people in her OWN FAMILY and ---'s family stalk her every move and everyone on her friend list.  I can't even post public pictures of her, even though she has given me permission, because --- has conniptions if I do.  I'm sure if Twinkles can find my vanyablo through the maze of friend lists on several sites, so can "---".  She will scour all my 500 different friends and notice that several of them have Yablo in their top 8 and figure out we're all family, and she'll eventually discover I've been holding out on her.  Then she'll go through an angry pout thing, even though she's in the UK and is NOT my family, and I have no idea why in the world people get so weird.  But I certainly seem to attract them.

I have nothing saved from further back from 2007. The rest of my life on the webs from 1994-2006 is truly gone, unless you are fixated on me enough to go haunt old forums, most of which are also gone now. A couple of fansites around the world saved some old stuff, the most famous is this one. The group my name links to was a group I created and ran. The pic clicks back and the quote below it is from that site.

I linked this text snip to the original group address, but it's no longer there, of course. Just an empty spot from back in the day, before Lexx took over my life.

Ok, back to 2015. My brain is a little more on, but now I've got nerve/muscle twitching all over my face, kinda maddening. The guy who did my ASTYM yesterday is a neck expert (neckspert) and could feel a catch midway down between a couple of processes looking left. That area is supposed to be able to allow a nerve glide and may be part of this whole problem down my arms, and it's the spot I tore getting flung out of a flipping car. I've got definite scar tissue in there that everyone can feel. Anyway, as we continue shredding down the thick scar tissue, nerves keep getting liberated from entrapment in hardened soft tissues, and then I get this reverb for a few days as the nerve pathways run diagnostics (he thought it was funny that I put it like that), and apparently this one set off the trigeminal and 7th cranial, so now my face feels really busy, although I doubt I'd be able to see it in a mirror.  I've lived with nerve healing all over my body, takes years, and I think a lot of people mistake nerve healing 'pain' for something being wrong when it's actually nerves coming back on. They tend to quit physical therapy before the people helping them can really get in there. I'm one of those miracle people, but only because I have stuck out the therapy for several years now. People who never knew me before don't believe I was crippled to a standstill and homebound for awhile.

Ok, enough of that. FOCUS!

The internet isn't helping. I clicked on this

and wound up with this.

This is lappy's wallpaper today, lol. It clicks to the Morgan character wiki. You're welcome.

Sorta getting a plan going. Supper stuff out thawing, new pine scented candle lit so I'll feel holiday-y, basically just clearing speed zones through the house because once Scott gets home from work, deer season is ON and he'll be in and out fussing over a deer stand and getting stuff lined up and spread out, no onions or other odorous yum allowed tonight so keeping it simple and bland (*never* feed your man beans before a hunt- just- *don't*, you'll hear for days how it was all your fault the deer never showed up), continue the hydration-protein-workout-REST regime, and if you don't see me much this weekend, things will be pretty crazy over here.

I need some kind of breakfast. Not sure what sort of motivational jam I can get into yet. Still kinda in shock, nothing too bouncy. How about this. I like it. Yes, of course it's subtext.

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