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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Sunday, September 27, 2015

plowing face on the dance floor

Google asked if I wanted this translated, lol. Click this snip if you're interested in twitter plugins.


What's really fun is getting to see Pinky blog in other languages when I check out link referrals. Click this to see it for realz.


I know, most of you really don't care. It's ok. I'm still getting over dumping 197 videos into oblivion. I don't really need to talk about it or anything, I'm just... ug. I've noticed I seem to get through ug days better when I go back through my blogs and see what was happening on this day through the years, so here we go.

omg #facepalm this must be cosmic let's dump the internet day. This is the day in 2007 that I created a cool popout that I no longer have. Here is the intro.

I need some serious distraction.  Maybe I'll go play with some more artwork.  I figured out how to project out of a background.  This isn't the greatest because I took the entire motorcycle out instead of leaving the back wheel in, but then the leg would've been less dramatic.
(skip deleted pic)
This was the original.  And he's not gay, just a cross dresser.  Probably the richest cross dresser in the world.


2008- Lengthy boring details about microwaving a pumpkin and slightly less boring family gossip, but this is all you get. I find it comforting because it's so rare to run across.

I almost need to pinch myself and make sure this day is real.  Everything is actually going the way I want it to, there have been no interruptions, and I actually feel so good and so relaxed it's incredible.

2009- Notes after a family get together included this bit.

I have been talking with my psychologist about the Asperger's tendencies on my dad's side, and psychologically speaking, those pictures expressed Aspgerger obsessions so well that I bet I could do a thesis for a PhD in sociology on autistic traits in family trees.  If I had taken a few stacks of pictures of my chickens to show back to them, it would have been no different from what I was put through... Yes, I even got to see his rock collections...  The irony of being able to see what they can't in spite of my own Asperger's obsessions and deficits kinda has me reeling in a funny little daze. 

There's lots more but for the sake of peace, I'm not going to make it public. Remember how I mentioned we mimicked a Harriet the Spy slam book in middle school? I'm sure a few nosy people would love to see observations I make after family get togethers. ANY and ALL of them. I play no favorites.

2010- Besides a sick chicken and a stray cat, this day that year was pretty unremarkable.

No plans yet today.  Might sit out on the deck till I get too cold.  Need to rummage around the freezer and take inventory.  Have a week to finish a library book.  May have to organize a few thoughts this week before October comes.  September was quite a big detour.
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2011- September 27 must be cosmic bubble-brain day for me or something.

Cranking through a massive load of dishes.  Staying in pajamas.  I defy the cosmos to pull me out of my house today.  Well, I'll go let chickens out, but you know what I mean.  >=l

Contemplating a great big salad after the dishes are done.  *drool*

I am gloriously empty brained.  Just floating around the house doing things.

@ 12:40 p.m.

Cake experiment.  Found a better red velvet recipe than what I already had, in the oven now, split into two little pans.  Left the red out, so it's just velvet.    Figure me and Scott can try one, freeze the other one back for the party.

About to plug in another Harry Potter movie.  Eggs on boiling.  Still some dishes left, work on those in a little bit.  Chicken out thawing to boil up tomorrow.  Probably frozen breaded fish for supper, maybe broccoli and carrots.

I was a dufe and a half yesterday.  Had bought a new head of cauliflower, threw the old one away, made my salad.  Looked high and low for the new one today, apparently I threw it away, too...  What a dork.

Ok, here I go again.

2012- This is it. I'll leave you to wonder what in the world Gozer is all about.

Mild crash and burn today, prolly cuz Gozer is getting ready to make a grand entrance. Got my walk in and some laundry done, but that's about it. All plans disintegrated, I'm in full blown spaz.

2013- This is the closest thing I have to a blog post that week over at syfydesigns during the big Xanga server move. That one always cheers me up.

2014- Here's the day after today last year near the end of 17 days on prednisone wherein we learn I am the ominous Pink Shadow and that my Mennonite hippie dad turned 85.

2015- That's today!

So basically, we've learned that this is one of my cosmic null days, where I'm in boring stall-out mode and awesome work sometimes disappears. I should mark next year's calendar and just stay in bed.

I mean, is it any different than scanning a pile of old scrapbooks into digital, handing them all back to owners and relinquishing access, and then accidentally deleting the entire digital folder with no way to get it back before you've backed it up anywhere? All that work. Or maybe it's like spending an hour writing out your soul in what it possibly your best writing session ever and suddenly losing electric before you hit 'save'. I'm sure you guys have all been through something like that, where something really big that you spent quality time on just went *poof* and there's just no recovering it, and you spend the rest of the day not really in tears, not really kicking anything, just an incredibly dull kind of sad feeling that won't go away and nothing around you can pull you out of the funk.

I didn't create any of those videos. None of them were of anyone I know personally. The only significance they had at all was such a layered personal one that I can barely even explain it, but anyone who has been following Pinky blog over the last 6 months probably gets it. Everything I was trying to save represented my aspienado emotional journey finally figuring out how to bridge over from something very horribly sad in my past to something else in my past that helped turn a key to me dealing with it and then the waking up I've been going through finding all my pieces and putting them back together this year. I know all that isn't really gone. I know the vids aren't the journey. But the symbolic loss alone layered over my very real life having been teetering on such a fragile edge for so long while I race time to solve my own equation before I go *poof* myself feels kind of like a gut punch. And I did it to myself because I wasn't being careful. It's kind of like collecting things that make us feel good, like a few autumn leaves or flowers, pictures, pieces of art, clothes we like. That's what the vids were to my head, pieces of furniture in my mind, art on my walls, flowers in my vase. My feelings finally out where I can see them and understand them. And I was an idiot and didn't follow my own protocols for back up.

I've always had difficulty processing my emotions in real time. I'm usually on a 3-day lag. Maybe that's why I dig incongruity, I generally live that way all the time in my head.

Anyway, not the end of the world.





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