-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Tuesday, September 8, 2015

run with me

I'm not a safe person, but I will do everything in my power to stand between the dark and the people I love. I still make mistakes. I still say stupid things and do stupid stuff, but never out of malice. Some of my friends find me dragging them out of their holes and get a little scared. That's ok. I'm learning not to spotlight and make the world suddenly look at you. But y'all know it's important, right, to be seen. That people know you're there. I hope Holly won't mind me using her as an example. The first two snips were private, but hella cool.

I couldn't help pointing it out. SPOTLIGHT.

I've been saying for the last three years how important fans and fandoms are to me, helping me hang on through the long dark nights, helping me feel like I'm part of something and not alone. Even when I want to be alone, I'm lurking in the dark, watching the webs, finding cool stuffs, enjoying other people's wit and creativity and enthusiasm and love for something. So are you.

I've tried sitting in a dark hole. God knows I love my cave. But even in my cave I can't help starting trouble. It's in my nature to stand up and speak knowing I could be shot. It's in my nature to be real and draw fire, and it's deeply rooted in my nature to love it.

But I know the social discomfort I'm working through is nothing compared to what some of my lurkers are going through. Fandoms know no borders, and I feel like I have a worldwide family out there. Not all my lurkers are aware what's going on or what it's even like to live so close to the kinds of political stress I see people coming from in my trackers, but *I* see you, and I do not and never will take you for granted. I once got after another blogger for blowing her outside views off as spambots. Unless you haven't turned on your spam filters, those dots are PEOPLE.

I think the last big politically incorrect hurdle above all others that we need to overcome is the them vs us mentality, them being anyone who is not us. In the last couple of weeks my blogs have been hit hard by several areas dealing with military incursions and law/justice policies flipping over like pancakes. I can't even tell you how it blows my mind and how honored I feel seeing lurkers regularly coming from dire straits, because fandoms have no borders.

I'm a big leap person. All my life I've been the one in trouble, the one leading the pack into trouble, the one being kicked out of the pack because I'm trouble. Behind all of my leaping has been a solid belief that my all or nothing leaps are important, even when they were utterly wrong. They were important because I learned so much from them.

Some of you know I'm a Jim Kirk fan. Saying it like that is about as understating as it gets, but blogger doesn't allow 30 foot letters glowing into space. I'm not a mommy blogger. I'm not an entertainment journalist. I'm a fan who believes that what we're seeing in our favorite shows mirrors our fears, hopes, and dreams for our own futures. I believe it's important for fans to find each other and keep holding the world together in our hearts and souls while real life keeps blowing it up. I see you out there. You guys are my rock. I especially like that Holly isn't afraid to push me back out of my hole and challenge me. We used to make a game of it, and rock twitter apart, and maybe we will again.

The dark and I are not strangers. You guys know I wanna start bigger trouble than that. I'm not sure if me and Holly could ever break twitter, but there's something going on in this world I want to break really bad, and I see you guys that are watching and I know you'll know when to duck. #aspienado 

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