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Tuesday, December 15, 2015

ok, so I'm in a tizzy (losing a discussion with my brain)


Except it's a really laid back sort of tizzy, where I'm kinda spaced out staring at things wondering what I was about to do. I'm in a slo-mo tizzy.


Yes, rough physical therapy day, brain fell out, nerves are weird and tired and kind of pouting about aching like this again. Today's discussion was about the fibrotic tissue loop I may be in the rest of my life, needing once or twice a year ASTYM maintenance PT to keep me stretchy and bendy. Also got huzzahs for making it 4 years into what most patients abandon earlier on because they can't take the pain. I'm a pain whore. I love the endorphin dump. I've never gotten into self harming or sadomasochism, but I do love ASTYM, and the rougher, the better.


I think the coolest thing about it is being able to feel my nerves. Actually feel them. I can imagine them all laid out on a table with nothing else, the same way you could visualize your skeleton all laid out. You haven't truly lived until you've undergone a bit of torture, over and over and over...


Please don't misunderstand what I'm actually saying. I hate being in pain as much as the next person. Pain sux, especially if it interrupts everything because it's so overwhelming. I've had some pretty nasty pain in my life. ASTYM is GOOD pain. It's kind of like how itching can be wonderful when you first start scratching. ASTYM gets way in there where the actual pain IS and scratches that itch. It's what acupuncture wants to be when it grows up.


Oh, yeah, the tizzy part. Part of my brain wants to freak out and WORK. It wants to slam through 40,000 WORDS. It wants me to yell FOCUS!!! But I'm not, so it's going into this slow tizzy. I'm placating it with yap and memes.

apologies, I lost where I found this
yes, all the rest click to places
Saw psyche guy today. Nothing like seeing a psychologist an hour after you wobble out of physical therapy. I was so buzzed with endorphins, I must've talked 90 mph like I was on something. I can't even remember what all I said, but I can remember parts I meant to say and mowed myself over saying other stuff. It almost felt like I had him duct taped to his chair making him listen to ALL THE THINGS. But now that part of me is worn out and @bonenado will probably barely get 3 words out of me when he gets home from work. I'll use an ancient caveman dialect and minimal sign language.

At first I was all, and then I was all, and now I'm just all...
~hours later~

Hey, forgot all about this. Here, have some Christopher kringle.


I've gotta get to bed. Thought I'd find something soft and sweet, but I wound up throwing darts at recommendations and landing on really bad crack vids, so my only hope is this one showing up twice. I'm taking it as a sign. And in case you guys think all my choices were Sherlock, half were Chinese or Korean or Japanese, some were Walking Dead and Star Trek, Rhett and Link figured prominently, with liberal sprinkles of Supernatural, Avengers, Merlin, and Doctor Who (nope, no Lady Gaga, to my surprise), but this one showed up twice. It's. a. sign. Of what, I don't know. You tell me. After my visit with psyche guy, I'm calling it coming full circle. It's cryptic only if you haven't been paying attention.

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