-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Friday, December 11, 2015

your name on every wall

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Nearly 2 weeks ago I discovered Pinky's Sox got over 500 views in July and over 300 in October, and I haven't even posted there since last March, right? I decided to pop in and see how far flung those views are and came up with 17 different countries. Yes, Brazil was my top contender with a full third of the take, but I'm seeing countries there I never see even for Lexx, like Mongolia and Uruguay.

Just seeing the word 'Uruguay' triggers flashbacks of an almost hawt 9th grade geography teacher with hyperhidrosis teetering on the edge of a complete nervous breakdown in a school system prone to violent hallway fights involving police and emergency medical response. My best friend keyed his brand new car just before he left and never came back. I knew she could be cruel, but that day I also learned she was more heartless than I was. The day she did that, I'd been learning about Uraguay, and I was the only student in class who correctly identified and pronounced it, and when I met up with her and expressed my disappointment in his lack of control over the class afterward, she nonchalantly keyed his car without any warning while we were walking past it. I never told anyone, not because it was bad, but because I was so surprised by how supportive that felt in a quietly intimate way. I didn't laugh or act shocked or anything, just quietly noticed out of the corner of my eye as we walked by and savored a feeling I'd never felt before, not at all glad she did that, but glad. This is the first time in my whole life I've tried to put that feeling into words, and I'm still not sure how to say it, so I just kinda stared at my Pinky's Sox page for a few seconds thinking of her. You know, because she's been gone all this time and that trigger felt so fresh. Uraguay.

And we all know now how she and her became a tangled thing with my feels that I finally had to untangle all these many years later.

What Are Emotional Triggers + Why You Need To Understand Them

I have come such a long way. Once in awhile I wind up looking for something and run into something else and this one ground me to a halt. I remember being so tired and sad all the time, and even though everything was so hard, I was still so determined to keep grinding my way through even when I still had no real clue what the driving motivation was. I'm just going to reprint it here and call it a day.

March 13, 2014

painting the words of my love

Holy cow, I'm zapped. I spent the last two hours stripping mangled code out of my Lexx film study posts parts 1-9, because the server migration into new text editors was like slamming existing stuff through sieves. Got curious how many words that totals as a complete work so far and got 13, 228 on the calculator. Old Xanga didn't use to have a word counter, now that they're adopting Word Press I can see how many words all my old posts are. So my eyes are kinda twirly right now. I went through every single little bitty line of code... Every post contains between 40-100 screen grabs. I didn't bother counting those so far, but my host site has them numbered, looks like nearly 500.


It's been over a year since my last Lexx film study post. I can't believe I've lost so much time. I could have doubled that by now. In some ways I feel a little bitter and disappointed in myself. I'm trying not to let that eat me right now.

Will hafta spend the rest of the day resting my eyes. Have the blinds closed against the bright sun, skating toward a migraine if I don't back off. Purged my brain with a little Tchaikovsky and Prokofiev, now I've got this going, feel my second wind coming.


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