freefall

Once in awhile I go almost into full shutdown where I stop talking, and responding in real time is a big effort. This weekend was like poking little holes in a thick cocoon just long enough to feed Scott and then going back into my head. Between all the pressure in my ears from allergies and antihistamines and the air pressure changes from the cold front, I feel like my brain is being squeezed. The only tv I watched the whole weekend was The Last Ship, and the only way I made it through that was keeping one eye on the live hashtag feed.

I was very rarely allowed to go into a real shutdown as a child, especially in response to stress. I was also never allowed to go anywhere near meltdown without heavy consequences. I learned to turn into a vigilant rock to avoid extremely negative attention, and my stress levels were so high by the time I hit young adulthood that I was like a ticking time bomb.

You guys who've never gone through shutdowns before would probably think this is like a killer load of narcotic. It's nirvana.

We've got two more bidding guys coming out this afternoon about the roof and the guttering. +_+

I want this on a brain chip.